I Knock On Your Door Til It's Night And You're Still Not Alive

by Vender & The Cobras

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about

When Magritte painted a train coming out of a fireplace it was surreal. So too when Marquez wrote about ghosts walking the streets of Macondo. But this is the most surreal thing:

People you know and love will die, and you'll still be cleaning dried up toothpaste off the bathroom sink.

credits

released July 3, 2017

Lyrics & Music by Matt Beard
Played by Matt Beard & Patrick Budde
Additional vocals by Gaby FeBland & Beth Hyland

Album art by:
Miden Wood (central image)
Jesse Lee Pacheco (collage art)

Mixed and Engineered by Patrick Budde
Mastered by Norm Marston
Additional Arrangements by Patrick Budde

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Vender & The Cobras Chicago, Illinois

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Track Name: Cardboard Blue
How come I’m painting cardboard boxes blue
How come i’m peeling vegetables for two like you did like you did
How come i’m feeling like i don’t exist
How come i’m poking at the boiling cyst on your leg on your leg

And I wonder what the cost is of your trust your trust
And i wonder what the cost is of your trust your trust

Home come i’m cutting up old brown lamp shades
How come i’m sleeping in for days and days anymore anymore
How come the earth keeps spinning round and round
If not to spin us back into the ground even the score even the score

And i wonder what the cost is of your trust your trust
And i wonder what the cost it of your trust your trust

And i wonder what the cost it of your trust your trust
And i wonder if you’d save me a seat on the bus the bus
Or I wonder if you’d just leave me in the dust
Track Name: Devil's Gold
A shitty point of view
Brought me back to you
When you slammed the door
My shirt still on the floor
You got bad contused
When you flipped an illegal U
When your body well it flew
But your soul got the upper view

Once every hundred years
God and my dad grab a beer
From their places on opposite sides
Of the heavenly divide
And they talk about girls and football
And they dream just like any old guys
And once in awhile they laugh
And once in awhile they cry
But they mostly stare off into space
And watch shit fly by

A shitty point of view
Brought me back to you
Your footprints on my wall
From crawling across my bed
Your hand marks on my sink
From the place where we both drank lead
From the kitchen where we both bled
Cuttin' vegetables i guess
And your mom left a couple hundred messages
On my answering machine
But my mailbox just got full
And we let our feelings dull
Til you walked across the floor
Til the night you slammed the door

There’s a mirror on my gravestone
Where i see all my friends who’ve died
And when they lower me inside
There’ll be mirrors in my coffin too
So i can see myself as well
As I’m lowered down to hell
For quite a lengthy spell
And I’ll never get out
Unless you yank me with your mouth
In a final angel kiss
Though i’ll be some demon's piss
They’ll take a picture in between and they’ll call it eternal bliss

Well a shitty point of view
Is what brought me back to you
And our love was overdue
Like rotting on the shelf
Didn’t lead to much good health
But it brought the devil wealth
When he gobbled up my soul
That’s what’s called devils gold
That’s what’s called devils gold
That’s what’s called devils gold
Track Name: Black Eyed Lover
I wanted to fly so I hollowed out my bones with a spoon
Can't believe the flaming hoops you've got me diving through
Cook up my marrow for a treat I'll take it as a compliment
Sometimes memory loss comes heaven sent

Home is the feeling of dimes standing on end
And I can no longer pretend

You're not the black eyed lover
You're not the black eyed lover
You're not the black eyed lover
Sipping Grapefruit juice at the foot of my bed

I wanted to be free so I gave you some of my burdens
It didn't work now both our backs are bent
I'll sip the lava as it pours into our basement
And I'm sorry if I ruined you on all my friends

You're not the black eyed lover
You're not the black eyed lover
You're not the black eyed lover
Sipping Grapefruit juice at the foot of my bed

Leaving is a crow's foot crooked after death
And you hurt me bad but I must confess

You're not the black eyed lover
You're not the black eyed lover
You're not the black eyed lover
Sipping Grapefruit juice at the foot of my bed
Track Name: It Isn't And It Won't Be
Either or anymore I feel like dying
Glass slippers and a Toblerone
I told you to go home
But you wouldn't go home

Figgy Pie I don't know why we're even trying
When the whippoorwill's song's so cold
A Coke can that wrinkles up and crinkles up
Deep in my soul

I wanted this to be
Something good for me
But it isn't, nah it isn't

I wanted this to be
Something you could see
But it isn't, and it won't be
Track Name: Broken In
When I saw you there with him
All drinking on his dirty gin
And you touched his hand
I didn't understand

When I chased you down the street
The moon it made those puddles bleed
Did you like them then
All broken in

Oh I wish I could be him
All wrapped around your chin
But I could never be
Close to me
With you

Possible lives float in the wake
I realize my big mistake
Was loving you
When you were so cruel

If I could make it all rewind
I'd still love you every time
I am your fool
I'm locked to you

Oh I wish I could be him
All wrapped around your chin
But I could never be
Close to me
With you

A sabotage an injury
Everything now left me is a lifetime
Of missing you coming unglued
Skipping stones forever on the sideline

Oh I wish I could be him
All wrapped around your chin
But I could never be
Close to me
No I could never be
Close to me
With you
Track Name: Swan Dive
It's a swan dive I don't care who you are
Broken feathers that'll leave a scar
Unless you're ready
Are you ready

Stage lights/shadow on your face tonight
Perfect diction when you read the lines
I am not ready
How could I be ready

There's a home in your arms
And it's where I want to be
But there's a hole in my heart
And it's keeping you from me

If I ask you for something you can't live
Don't mind my stupid words though I act like a kid
If you're not ready
I don't want to be ready

There's a home in your arms
And it's where I want to be
But there's a hole in my heart
And it's keeping you from me
Track Name: The Weather
We talk about the weather
Cause it's fucking relevant
Jesus Christ the Big Bang
Don't make me put on a jacket

I'm sorry

When I open the door
Look up at you
My wrist
Slips in
My sleeve
I say
Goodbye
Track Name: Gold To Me
I know I won't be with you for at least a while
I had a gap in your string of lovers
But I failed to strike when the iron was hot
And now you're paired off with another

But you're gold to me
Don't make me have to say it
You're gold to me
Why can't you see why can't you see

The fall Michaela walked off into the dark
I didn't know just what to say
I kissed your shoulder in the chapel in the morning
But you just looked the other way

But you're gold to me
Don't make me have to say it
You're gold to me
Why can't you see why can't you see
Don't hate yourself yourself
Don't hate yourself yourself

Last week I came home to you sitting on his bed
You faked a smile and so did I
I mumbled something bout how time is like an orchard
You didn't call me on my lie

But you're gold to me
Don't make me have to say it
You're gold to me
Why can't you see why can't you see

I hear your voices coming through his door
I've never had such fun as that before
I hear your body moving on his floor
I've never had such fun as that

But you're gold to me
Don't make me have to say it
You're gold to me
Why can't you see why can't you see
Don't hate yourself yourself
Don't hate yourself yourself
And I won't hate myself
But if I do oh well
Track Name: Stupid Boy
I'm a stupid boy I've need pins in my brain
When the levy broke you couldn't find my name
But by the end of the day
You would learn my fate
Such a stupid boy

I don't know why I called you at home
Maybe just to hear you all grown
You said we're only 16
I said well what does that mean
I'm such a stupid boy

When the town broke the bones poked the corpse spoke
I needed you here
Between heartbeats under your sheets with no heat
I became unclear
On what was really real
To such a stupid boy

Now the moths they dance around in my skull
Cobwebs billow like a thread you'd like to pull
I'm a ghost town now
And I don't know how
I'm such a stupid boy

I was a bad brew inside you and we stewed
Til we overflowed
From the remains of your place we ran away
Both unwhole
Til you left me alone
To be a stupid boy

I'm a stupid boy
I'm a stupid boy I know
Because you told me so
Track Name: The Beginning or the End
Under cover of night
We dreamed life so sweet
I came to know you
But you never knew me
And the fog it burned off
In the West Texas heat
Dirty shirt ruffled hair
I wandered out onto your street

And I didn't know
Cause you didn't tell me
That you were bleeding
Inside of your body

Another note I wrote you will not see
Track Name: I Knock On Your Door Til It's Night And You're Still Not Alive
I knock on your door til it’s night and you’re still not alive
My hands are all covered in soot to prove that I tried
The moon is a cowl shell
In which I dare not dwell
Til it is time

Our shoes made a pile by the door that i took as a sign
Your clothes spread out on my floor I thought you were mine
As soon as our lives had merged
The devil began to purge
And made you divine

Bury you in a shallow grave in case you choose to rise
The fifth day of the prophecy is printed on your eyes so it’s no surprise

I knock on your door til it’s night and you’re still not alive
The fact of god come to light before it is time
Such an incredible
Stunt i’d like to pull
After this life

The rook in the garden scours the rubbish for snakes
Their fangs are not poison but still they’ll bite all the same
A copse in the biting cold
Where coals burn down to gold
Is all that remains

Bury you in a shallow grave in case you choose to rise
The fifth day of the prophecy is printed on your eyes

Oh god,oh why
Track Name: I Won't Quit Dreaming
When you told me you were sickly
And the future came on quickly
Well we watched our plans unravel
From the distance our hearts travelled

And I thought about our first born
Walking out under some spring morn
Now we knew we'd never see him
Just a dream we had imagined

You said lay me near the cool creek
Where we walked by in our first spring
In the shadow of the plum tree
Where the willow won't quit weeping

On the morning when you're first gone
Well I'll walk out over our lawn
When you asked me will you think of me
And I told you I won't quit thinking
And I need you to believe me
Yeah I promise I won't quit thinking
I promise I won't quit dreaming
I promise I won't quit dreaming
Just like we first dreamed
Back in our first spring